there's paper in my vomit.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
