Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
