Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
