OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Text me some of your sweat
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