He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
