We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
