Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
