NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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