Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
