Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
