I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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