i think my tv is drunk
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
