i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
