he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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