dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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