just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
