i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
