she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
