Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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