JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How does it feel to date your dad?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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