hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
