I smell stomach acid.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
