I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
