Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
