I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
