FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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