i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
