Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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