My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When are your genitals available?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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