belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
