i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
foreskin is a definite game changer
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
