Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
