Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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