Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
