Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
