recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
