oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
