don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
