Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
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