dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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