he wants to bone in the snuggie
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
