You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
