I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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