Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
