Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
