Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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