no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
