Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
