Sponge bath it is.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
