So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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